


Have a Little Faith

by Luci_Cunt



Series: Removing Thorns [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: because he never should have lost it in the first place, fuck that hoe, luther I mean, luther you fuckerr, nicky finding his faith again, nicky get's his turn to heaaalll, this is what he deservesss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:25:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luci_Cunt/pseuds/Luci_Cunt
Summary: The story of Nicky's faith.





	Have a Little Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not religious, and I've never even attended church, so I'm going off of what other people have told me, and what I'd assume having faith would be? So if I royally fucked up and offended people some how lemme know so I can learn and change :) if you wanna do it anonymously or somethin just shoot me a message on tumblr @luci_cunt 
> 
> Anyways, this is the third installation of my new Removing Thorns series? This one's for you Nicky, love you dude.
> 
> TW: mentions of Nicky's past (very vague mentions of conversion therapy)/ very vague thoughts of suicide

Faith for Nicholas Hemmick was a fine line that he felt he walked every day.

It was a little warped and twisted, because the thing he used to find so much comfort in, the idea that there would always be someone watching out for him and making sure that everything that was meant to happen would happen as long as he did his best to be good–that thing, was used against him. 

It had been years since the camps, since his parents had shipped him off to be ‘fixed’ with barely hidden disgust painted on their faces. Since Nicky had realized they wouldn’t miss him while he was gone because they didn’t want a broken boy. 

It had been years since Nicky had thought of himself as broken for loving men. 

But still, his faith was a razors edge, a dangerous balancing act between a trigger and a comfort. Some days hearing people pray or swear to god or beg forgiveness made his skin itch and burn and his chest ache. It made him want to leave, move, to where he couldn’t see the disgust he could feel drilling holes into the back of his head. It made him antsy and restless.

Other days it made him feel so calm and comfortable it was almost unreal. Those moments of peace where he was confident God was there for him and watching over. 

He just wished those moments were more common than the other. 

Meeting Erik had been a gift, he’d saved Nicky by showing him he could save himself. He helped drag him from the edge, pulled him out of an empty bathtub at three am when the world was just too loud and he could just _feel_ that it would be better off without him. 

But Erik didn’t believe in God, or any god. He supported Nicky’s belief but he didn’t understand it, and trying to explain the slippery slope that was faith to Erik left him confused. 

_If it’s so painful, why force it?_

Nicky, the man made of words, couldn’t find enough to explain it correctly.

He stuffed it down, that was the only thing he allowed himself to keep from the camps–sometimes locking things away, hiding them out of sight was easier than dealing with them. Then he heard the story of the little boy lost to foster care and discarded by his aunt. The woman he heard his father scorn and curse at behind closed doors. He’d met his cousin, Aaron, a few times, he was quiet, and withdrawn and Nicky’s chest ached thinking of how he was living. 

But then there was another Aaron, almost identical, with eyes as sharp as the knife he carried and words that fell from his mouth like cement. Nicky was shocked to realize he recognized something in the boy, and at first he thought it was just the loneliness he’s seen in Aaron, and then one day caught a glimpse of the scars marking his forearms. 

Andrew wasn’t lonely, he was past that point, he’d broken and _lonely_ wasn’t something he had the luxury of feeling. Nicky recognized it, because he’d felt the same way stepping out of that conversion camp, feeling raw and wrong and telling everyone with hollow words that everything that had been done it him was ok because it ‘fixed’ him. 

But he didn’t know how to help Andrew, because he didn’t know how to help himself. 

Then Tilda died, and Luther wanted to take the boys in and Nicky realized suddenly he couldn’t let that happen. So he fought, he got custody, and tried his best.

When college came, it brought a girl with bleached hair and pastel tips who wore her faith around her neck and smiled sweetly at everyone. Nicky was jealous at first, envious of the fact that she could believe so easily, that nothing had happened in her life to make her faith a double edged sword. 

Then one day, he’d watched as Andrew poked and prodded at her, until she snapped and everything about her had fallen away and she had knives in her hands. Then he’d realized he’d been wrong about Renee. 

They started talking at the same time as Andrew and Renee began toting matching bruises and Andrew took Renee’s knives. And it was Renee who convinced Nicky to go back to a church with her. 

Walking in made him feel wrong, but then the singing started and when greetings happened people smiled at him and Nicky couldn’t help but feel so perfectly _right._

Faith to Nicky Hemmick was still a bit of a balancing act, but now the line was thicker, and his balance better. And while the road to self recovery isn’t just paved with restoration of faith, it did help him at least.

**Author's Note:**

> That was oddly cathartic to write? Honestly all of these have been lmao. 
> 
> It's like, me projecting onto the characters while also trying not to make it about me XD
> 
> Also i just love Nicholas Esteban Hemmick and I want him to be happy so yeah.
> 
> I hope if you read you enjoyed it and all kudo's/ comments are GREATLY appreciated, y'all are wonderful <3


End file.
